In general I consider myself a pretty private person. I don't like sharing all of my intimate thoughts or feelings with just anyone which is why you may have never heard me speak seriously on this mater. So consider this a special occasion because I am going to be truthful and honest with all those reading this. Normally I'd say, this is none of your business, but nobody seems to believe this so maybe if I expand on the subject everyone will be satisfied. Rhen and I love children. We have both agreed throughout our lives that we would have large families and teach them the love of their Savior and of the peace of the Gospel. Because of some recent insensitive comments I feel obliged to share are my thoughts on the matter. I take the duty of raising children very seriously, how can you not? They are human beings learning and finding their way through this life and we are put here to guide and counsel them as best as we can, we will always be their parents. I want to do my very best always and I want to be in a place where I feel I have that potential. I realize that we will never have "enough money", but babies do require a certain amount of things to give them a healthy start I.E. health insurance. We do not want to shrug off the importance of having children, but since we are the primary people bringing life to them on earth we recognize that it is ultimately our decision to make. We pray very regularly about this matter and I know that when we do have children the Lord will bless us with the things we need so long as we do our best. I don't quite understand how it is possible to have some much love in your heart for something that we do not have yet but I do. Last night Rhen and I were watching Freaks and Geeks (it sounds like a pretty silly thing but oh well) and after watching these siblings going through their lives it really affected me. I started crying-full blown crying- thinking and worrying about the things my children will have to go through in their lives and hoping and praying that they are kind and loving to one another. I felt peace come over me as I prayed, knowing that all will be well. Here are the main things I'm trying to get across:
Rhen and I love children and will have them, someday.
We don't plan on waiting an extremely long amount of time for them.
We haven't decided to have them right now either.
We will take into advice your opinions because you are important to us, but it won't be because of you that we make this choice either.
Please do not try to make us feel bad about our decisions, it only pushes you further away.
I'm sorry if that was blunt, but it is the truth. This isn't meant to be rude or put a wall between us, it's just to let you know why Rhen and I have been private on this matter. I recognize that people are interested in this, and I am not telling you to stop asking or being interested in our life, I just wanted to explain our reasoning.
You put this very well and I couldn't agree more. I think everyone has their own opinions about how long it's appropriate to wait (if at all) and for what reasons (if any), but in the end, it's nobody's decision but your own. Same goes for the number of children to have. Others can give encouragement and advice, but in the end, I think it's rude to push your opinions on other people. You don't know all of their circumstances.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when others bring up in casual conversation "when are you going to start having kids?", or other things along those lines. It's fine when you're pretty close to the person, but when you hardly know them and that's how you're making small talk... I think that's too personal of a question. The biggest reason is because for all they know, you could be trying, and it's a sore subject. It's not the case for us right now, so it doesn't bother me too much, but I still cringe a little inside whenever I hear it. I realize people are just curious, and maybe even just excited to think of how adorable your kids will be someday. They don't mean anything by it.
It's just not one of those things you use for a conversation starter, though. If you think about it, the answer will always be awkward, no matter what! Just, stick to the weather. :P